Unlearning Leadership: The 4-Step Process to Deconditioning & Growth

“The one thing I know about human conditioning? We all got it. So, I’m always listening to how people speak to me because that tells me their framing.” 

~Nyerere Billups

What does this mean for us as leaders? 

Leadership conditioning shapes how we think about success, identity, and decision-making. Most of us are running on autopilot, following leadership scripts we never wrote—taught to prioritize performance, perfectionism, and rigid structures without ever questioning why.

But what happens when those scripts no longer serve us? When the framework we’ve inherited feels more like a trap than a guide?

This is where deconditioning comes in. Deconditioning isn’t about adding more strategies—it’s about unlearning the patterns that keep us stuck. If we don’t examine the beliefs and habits we’ve absorbed, we’ll keep repeating cycles that no longer serve us.

Ask yourself and be honest:

• What leadership beliefs have you inherited but never questioned?

• Where in your life are you still playing by someone else’s rules?

• What needs to be unlearned so you can lead with authenticity and become adaptable for your team?

This is the work. This is where transformation begins.

But here’s the thing—before you can unlearn anything, you have to see it first. Most of us are running scripts we never even wrote. In my first blog, “Leadership Development & People Strategy: Why Depth Matters More Than Just a Plan,” we explored how true leadership isn’t just about strategy—it’s about depth, self-awareness, and the ability to challenge inherited frameworks to create meaningful impact. If you haven’t read it yet, check it out HERE to see why awareness is part of the foundation of change.

Why Does Deconditioning Matter?

Society, family, workplace culture, and education impose many of the rules we follow as leaders, professionals, and people, rather than us selecting them ourselves. Everything has influenced how we think about success, leadership, and self-worth. Here are a few examples that show up in our everyday lives:

• Society: Shapes what "good leadership" looks like (often prioritizing hustle over humanity).

• Family: Instills beliefs about roles, responsibility, and what’s "acceptable."

• Workplace Culture: Measures leadership through outdated metrics—what got someone else there—rather than by what’s still relevant or impactful today.

• Education: Tells us intelligence is about memorization, not wisdom.

Most people never stop to challenge these things. But here’s the thing—you can’t outgrow a system you haven’t examined. If you’re still leading with someone else’s playbook, whose game are you really playing?

A Personal Journey of Deconditioning

Years ago, on one of my first international corporate trips, I found myself in Warsaw, Poland. Until that moment, the American narrative shaped my experience of being Black—one where I was always seen, rarely understood, and constantly expected to prove myself just to belong.

And truthfully, that narrative started long before I entered any boardroom.

Even as a kid, I was told there were two strikes against me—one for being Black and one for being male. At the time, I didn’t have the language for it, but I knew it didn’t feel like my truth. I didn’t choose those “strikes.” I was born into them. And yet, others expected me to carry them—expected me to shrink under their weight, to let them define my limits.

I stepped off that plane expecting more of the same. But what I encountered shook my entire framework.

Everywhere I went, people stopped and stared. Not with suspicion—but with curiosity, reverence, maybe even admiration. I got moved to the front of the lines. Some assumed I was famous. (Now, I’m nowhere near Michael Jordan’s height, but I was bald… Taye Diggs and I might share a body type—but I digress.) 

An older Polish couple—strangers—struck up a deep conversation with me at a war memorial. After thirty minutes of sharing stories, the man leaned in and asked, “Is it really that hard to be Black in America?”

That moment cracked something open for me. It hit me—my definition of Blackness was shaped entirely by American conditioning. I had never considered that being Black could feel different somewhere else.

This wasn’t just about race. It was about the scripts I had inherited—scripts so embedded in me, I hadn’t even realized they were running. That trip gave me something I didn’t know I was missing: contrast.

I didn’t have the word “deconditioning” back then. But I knew I needed to experience more than what I’d been told. I knew I had to challenge what I believed—and, more importantly, where those beliefs came from.

The Growfessor’s Deconditioning Framework: A 4-Stage Process

Transformation isn’t just about learning new strategies, it’s about unlearning outdated ones. To be real with you, deconditioning doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process of deep self-exploration and intentional change. In order for us to move beyond outdated frameworks, we must engage in four key stages, each designed to help you shed external narratives and build leadership from within. 

The path to leadership isn’t always about learning more, it’s about unlearning what no longer serves us. It’s about moving from conditioned responses to conscious choices, from carrying invisible burdens to defining our own values, and from operating within someone else’s framework to building our own. Which is why I developed a four-stage process inspired by Friedrich Nietzsche’s Three Metamorphoses explained in Thus Spoke Zarathustra (1883-1885), disruptive healing practices, and Jungian psychology. It’s important for us to recognize the burdens we carry and where they came from so we can move fully into self-mastery and authentic leadership.

1. Recognizing Burdens: Identify the beliefs, habits, and expectations that weigh you down. 

2. Challenging Old Frameworks: Push back against inherited norms and begin redefining leadership on your terms.

3. Rebuilding with Curiosity: Replace outdated thinking with new perspectives through a mindset of continuous learning.

4. Stepping into Mastery: Lead with clarity, adaptability, and a commitment to your own growth, not just external expectations.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth—most of us don’t even realize how deep this conditioning runs. We think we’re making independent choices, but in reality, we’re just following scripts we never wrote. So before we can rebuild, we have to confront the narratives keeping us stuck.

The Uncomfortable Truth: Deconditioning Questions Towards Awareness amp; Choice

 By now, you might ask yourself, Nyerere, what does this look like in real life? 

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be walking through each stage of this deconditioning journey, starting with Stage 1: The Burdened Stage where we examine the burdens we’ve been carrying and why they exist. Each stage requires deep reflection, intentional action, and a willingness to challenge the narratives that have shaped us.

Awareness is the foundation of all change. To begin deconditioning, simply recognize your conditioned state. Once you see the frameworks you’ve been operating within, you gain the power to question, disrupt, and reshape them.

Ask yourself:

• What beliefs about success, leadership, or identity have I inherited that I’ve never actually questioned?

• Where in my life am I still operating under someone else’s expectations instead of my own values?

• What’s one narrative I need to release in order to step into the next level of my leadership?

Take the Next Step in Your Deconditioning Journey

Over the next few weeks, I’ll walk through each stage of deconditioning in depth, starting with Recognizing Burdens, where we uncover what you’ve been carrying and why they exist.

If you’re ready to unlearn what’s keeping you stuck, Schedule Your Complimentary Growtation. Whether through consulting, speaking engagements, or executive coaching, my work is about one thing: getting you from where you are to where you’re supposed to be - your authentic self.